By Lisa Walker, Co-founder of Eir Women | Health & Wellbeing for Women
Let’s talk about dating after 40 because no one else seems to be talking about it…well…honestly.
Whether you’ve been through divorce, loss, or just put yourself on the back burner while raising kids or building a career, the idea of getting back out there can feel a little terrifying. It was for me. But let’s be real, it’s not just about finding someone new. This time it’s about reclaiming you.
Dating after 40 isn’t about trying to be 25 again. It’s a whole new adventure. It’s less about finding ‘the one’ to grow roots with to the sound of a ticking clock. This time it’s about stepping into your full, grown-woman self, one who knows what she wants, what she won’t tolerate, and who understands her value.
And you’re not alone. Not even close.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the number of people over 45 who are divorced or separated has steadily increased over the past decade, with women in particular navigating midlife transitions that often include starting over romantically. So, its not a huge leap of faith to see that anxiety about dating again from concerns around self-image, rejection, and balancing family life could be top of mind.
But here’s what I see in the women I work with every day: once you shift your mindset, this next chapter can be full of possibility, rather than fear.
Here’s how to reclaim your dating confidence, on your terms:
1. Ditch the “Expiration Date” Myth
You are not too old, too late, or too anything. A growing number of Australians are finding love later in life, with over 35% of new marriages now involving at least one partner who’s been married before. So if the world is telling you your best romantic years are behind you? Kindly tell it where to go.
2. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
Midlife dating is not a beauty contest. You don’t need to look like your younger self to be desirable. What’s truly magnetic? Self-awareness, clarity, a sense of humour, and someone who’s done the work. You’ve lived. You’ve learned. That’s your superpower.
3. Rebuild at Your Own Pace
Confidence isn’t something you fake, it’s something you relearn. Maybe it starts with updating your wardrobe. Maybe it’s therapy, or a group fitness class that helps you reconnect with your body. Maybe it’s a no-pressure coffee date that reminds you flirting can still be fun. Start small, but start somewhere.
4. Let Go of the Guilt
Especially if you’re a mum, it’s easy to feel like dating is selfish. It’s not. Your happiness matters. And modelling self-worth, self-care, and healthy relationships for your kids? That’s not neglect, it’s empowerment. And with two teenage boys, honestly they’d rather I was out of the house.
5. Be Brave Enough to Be Honest
You’re not here to play games. You don’t need to “act cool” about things you care deeply about. The right person will see your honesty as refreshing, not intimidating.
Here’s what I want you to remember:
You are not starting over, you’re starting from experience. You’ve got emotional intelligence, life perspective, and resilience that can’t be taught. Dating after 40 isn’t a step backward, it’s a step into a richer, more authentic version of love.
And you deserve that. I deserve that!
So take a deep breath. Jump on RSVP to see what’s out there. Wear the red lipstick. Laugh too loud. And most importantly, don’t let fear of rejection keep you from the joy of connection.
You’re not just dating again. You’re rediscovering fun, connection and finding what works for you.
