You open RSVP and see several profiles that catch your attention.
One person shares your love of hiking. Another seems thoughtful and easy to talk to. Someone else makes you laugh in their messages.
So who should you spend more time getting to know?
Choosing between potential dating matches can feel surprisingly difficult, especially if you’re returning to dating after a long relationship or haven’t dated online before.
RSVP has been helping Australian singles connect since 1997, and one useful principle is simple: don’t try to identify the perfect person from a profile. Look for enough compatibility, attraction and curiosity to justify getting to know someone better.
Profiles and messages can give you useful information, but they can’t tell you everything about a person.
Instead of searching for certainty before you’ve even met, focus on taking dating one step at a time.
This guide explores what to look for in a dating match, how to distinguish genuine compatibility from surface-level similarities, when to move from messaging to meeting, which early dating red flags deserve attention and how to stay safer while getting to know somebody online.
What Does the “Right Match” Actually Mean?
The right match isn’t necessarily the person who appears most impressive on paper.
Someone can have the appearance, career, interests and personality you imagined wanting and still not feel right once you start talking.
Likewise, somebody who doesn’t perfectly match your original picture may become much more interesting as you get to know them.
During the early stages of dating, a promising match is simply somebody with whom there appears to be enough alignment in areas that matter to you, such as:
- Values.
- Relationship goals.
- Lifestyle.
- Communication.
- Mutual respect.
- Attraction.
- Independence.
- Family priorities.
- How you enjoy spending your time.
You don’t need complete compatibility.
The early question is much simpler:
Do I like what I know so far, and am I interested enough to learn more?
Chemistry and Compatibility Aren’t the Same Thing
Chemistry is the attraction, energy or curiosity you feel around someone.
It may appear immediately or develop gradually.
Compatibility is about how naturally your values, communication, lifestyle and relationship expectations seem to fit.
Chemistry can make you excited to receive somebody’s message.
Compatibility may become clearer as you talk, meet and observe how the person behaves.
Both can matter, but neither can be fully assessed from a dating profile.
That’s why an online match is best treated as an opportunity to learn more rather than a verdict about whether somebody is “the one”.
Don’t Expect a Profile to Tell You Everything
Dating profiles are useful, but limited.
A profile can tell you about someone’s:
- Interests.
- Appearance.
- Location.
- Lifestyle.
- Relationship preferences.
- Personality, to some extent.
It can’t fully tell you:
- How comfortable conversation feels.
- Whether you laugh together.
- Whether they genuinely listen.
- How they treat other people.
- Whether attraction develops in person.
- Whether their actions match what they say.
- How they respond to reasonable boundaries.
Try not to reject or idealise somebody solely because of what appears on a screen.
Use their profile to answer:
“Am I interested enough to start a conversation?”
Then allow the conversation to provide more information.
Step 1: Work Out What Matters to You
Before comparing matches, think about what you’re actually looking for.
You don’t need a detailed specification for your ideal partner.
You do need enough self-awareness to recognise when a connection fits what matters to you.
Ask yourself:
- What type of relationship am I looking for?
- Which values matter most to me?
- How important is independence?
- What kind of lifestyle do I enjoy?
- How social am I?
- How important are family relationships?
- What behaviours would make me uncomfortable?
- What would make me feel respected?
- Where am I flexible?
The goal isn’t to design the perfect person.
It’s to understand yourself well enough that you aren’t making every decision based only on appearance, loneliness or whoever messaged you most recently.
Separate Your Non-Negotiables From Your Preferences
One of the most useful distinctions when dating is between something you genuinely need and something you would simply prefer.
Non-Negotiables
These are values, behaviours or circumstances that would make dating somebody genuinely difficult for you.
Depending on your situation, they might include:
- Relationship intentions.
- Monogamy or relationship structure.
- Religious or ethical beliefs.
- Geographic limitations.
- Smoking or substance use.
- Honesty.
- Respect for boundaries.
- Important family priorities.
Your list will be personal.
Keep it focused on things that genuinely matter to your wellbeing and the type of relationship you’re looking for.
Preferences
Preferences are qualities you may enjoy but don’t necessarily require.
For example:
- Sharing every hobby.
- A particular profession.
- Height.
- Fashion style.
- Favourite music.
- Similar taste in films.
- Supporting the same sporting team.
Preferences aren’t meaningless.
But if every preference becomes a dealbreaker, real people can struggle to compete with the imagined person you’ve created.
Step 2: Look for Early Signs of Compatibility
You don’t need a compatibility score.
Instead, pay attention to a few areas as you message and begin meeting people.
Relationship Intentions
Are you broadly looking for the same thing?
Someone looking for a committed relationship and somebody interested only in casual dating may enjoy talking but ultimately want different experiences.
You don’t need to discuss your entire future immediately.
But having a general understanding of each other’s intentions can prevent unnecessary confusion.
Values
Values often appear gradually through conversation.
Notice how somebody talks about:
- Family.
- Friendships.
- Honesty.
- Kindness.
- Commitment.
- Independence.
- Work.
- Community.
- Other people.
You don’t need identical opinions on everything.
You’re looking for enough common ground to make continuing the connection feel worthwhile.
Lifestyle
Consider whether your everyday preferences seem reasonably compatible.
For example:
- Does one person enjoy being out constantly while the other prefers quiet weekends?
- Does one love travelling while the other prefers staying close to home?
- How important are fitness, family, work and hobbies?
- Do you both value independence?
- Do your normal routines leave room for dating?
Differences aren’t automatically incompatibilities.
The early question is whether you’re interested enough to explore how those differences might work.
Communication
Pay attention to how somebody communicates rather than only what they say.
Do they:
- Ask questions?
- Listen to your answers?
- Show genuine interest?
- Let conversation go both ways?
- Communicate respectfully?
- Accept differences of opinion?
- Respect your pace?
- Follow through reasonably consistently?
You won’t know everything about somebody from a few messages.
But early patterns can still provide useful information.
Shared Interests Are Helpful, but They Aren’t Everything
Having things in common makes starting conversations easier.
It’s enjoyable when somebody also loves:
- Travel.
- Hiking.
- Cooking.
- Live music.
- Gardening.
- Sport.
- Films.
- Trying new restaurants.
But you don’t need identical hobbies.
Two people can enjoy different activities while still being interested in each other’s lives.
Likewise, sharing five hobbies doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll communicate well or want the same kind of relationship.
Think of shared interests as conversation starters and opportunities for enjoyment, rather than proof of compatibility.
Step 3: Don’t Compare Matches Like Products
If you’re talking to several people, it can be tempting to constantly compare them.
- One person is funnier.
- Another lives closer.
- Another has a more attractive photograph.
- Someone else seems more successful.
Soon, dating begins to feel like an optimisation exercise.
Instead of asking:
“Which person is objectively better?”
ask:
“Do I genuinely want to know this person better?”
Consider each connection individually.
Ask:
- Do I enjoy talking to them?
- Do I feel respected?
- Do our relationship intentions broadly align?
- Does conversation feel reasonably natural?
- Am I attracted to them or curious to see whether attraction develops?
- Do their words and actions seem consistent?
- Do I look forward to hearing from them?
- Have I noticed anything concerning?
If several people still interest you, you don’t necessarily need to choose immediately.
You may simply need more conversation or an in-person date.
How Many People Should You Talk to at Once?
There is no correct number.
Some people are comfortable having several early conversations.
Others find that confusing or exhausting.
If you’re struggling to remember who told you what or you’re replying because you feel obligated rather than interested, narrowing your attention may help.
You don’t need to maximise the number of matches you’re exploring.
Quality of attention matters more.
Until you’ve discussed exclusivity with somebody, early dating doesn’t automatically mean you need to stop talking to everyone else.
But communicate honestly if expectations begin to change.
A Simple Match Reflection Checklist
Instead of scoring somebody, use a few questions to organise your thoughts:
- Do I enjoy our conversations?
- Do I feel heard and respected?
- Are our relationship intentions broadly compatible?
- Do our lifestyles seem reasonably compatible?
- Do our important values appear to align?
- Is there enough attraction or curiosity for another conversation or date?
- Do their words and actions seem consistent?
- Can I communicate naturally rather than constantly trying to impress them?
- Have I noticed any behaviour that concerns me?
- Am I interested in this person specifically rather than simply wanting a relationship?
You don’t need a particular number of “yes” answers.
The questions are simply there to help you notice what you’re actually experiencing.
Red Flags and Things That Simply Need More Time
Not everything uncertain in early dating is a red flag.
Some behaviours deserve immediate attention.
Others simply require another conversation.
Red Flags Worth Taking Seriously
Be cautious about patterns such as:
- Repeated dishonesty.
- Disrespect for your boundaries.
- Aggressive or intimidating behaviour.
- Controlling behaviour.
- Pressure to make the relationship serious unusually quickly.
- Requests for money.
- Attempts to isolate you from friends or family.
- Significant inconsistencies about basic personal information.
- Pressure to share private information.
- Anger when you say no.
- Repeated refusal to respect your pace.
You don’t need to continue dating somebody simply because you’re worried about being “too picky”.
Safety and respect aren’t minor preferences.
Things That May Need More Time
Other situations may simply need more information.
For example:
- A quieter messaging style.
- Nervousness on a first date.
- Different hobbies.
- Different social styles.
- Attraction that isn’t immediate.
- An initially awkward conversation.
Ask questions before deciding what the difference means.
Don’t Confuse Intensity With Compatibility
A new match can feel exciting.
You may message constantly, share personal stories and feel as though you’ve known each other much longer than you actually have.
That intensity can be enjoyable.
But it isn’t the same as compatibility.
Compatibility becomes clearer through consistency over time.
- Does the person continue treating you respectfully?
- Do they follow through?
- Do they accept boundaries?
- Does what they tell you remain consistent?
- Do you still enjoy the connection when the initial excitement settles?
Taking your time gives you an opportunity to answer those questions.
It can also help protect you from people who deliberately create rapid emotional intensity to build trust.
Romance Scam Red Flags When Choosing an Online Match
Romance scams are particularly relevant when assessing somebody you’ve met online.
A scammer may appear attentive, affectionate and genuinely interested. They can spend weeks or months building trust before asking for anything.
That’s why a profile that appears highly compatible isn’t enough.
Pay attention to behaviour.
Be particularly cautious if somebody:
- Declares intense feelings very quickly.
- Talks about a shared future before you’ve properly met.
- Pressures you to move conversations away from the dating platform immediately.
- Repeatedly avoids meeting in person.
- Always has a new reason they cannot meet.
- Asks for money.
- Requests gift cards.
- Introduces cryptocurrency or investment opportunities.
- Has repeated financial emergencies.
- Asks you to receive or transfer money.
- Wants sensitive financial or identity information.
- Pressures you to keep the relationship secret.
- Becomes angry when you ask reasonable questions.
Never treat emotional intensity as proof that somebody is trustworthy.
What If a Match Asks You for Money?
Slow everything down.
Someone may describe a medical emergency, travel problem, family crisis or temporary financial difficulty.
They may say you’re the only person who can help.
They may even suggest that refusing means you don’t trust them.
Don’t allow emotional pressure to make the decision.
If somebody you’ve met online asks for money:
- Don’t transfer funds.
- Don’t provide banking information.
- Don’t buy gift cards.
- Don’t send cryptocurrency.
- Don’t receive or transfer money for them.
- Don’t make an investment they recommend.
- Keep relevant messages.
- Talk to someone you trust.
- Use the dating platform’s reporting tools if appropriate.
- Contact your bank promptly if you’ve already sent money or disclosed banking information.
- Report suspected scams through Scamwatch where appropriate.
A healthy connection doesn’t require you to demonstrate affection through financial assistance.
Verification Helps, but Continue Using Your Judgement
RSVP offers Photo Verification, which allows members to confirm that they’re the person shown in their profile photograph through a video selfie check.
That can provide an additional signal of authenticity.
However, verification shouldn’t be treated as proof that somebody is trustworthy or that everything they say is accurate.
Continue paying attention to:
- Consistency.
- Boundaries.
- Requests for information.
- Pressure.
- Willingness to meet safely.
- How their behaviour makes you feel.
RSVP also provides blocking and reporting tools if an interaction becomes suspicious or uncomfortable.
When Should You Move From Messaging to Meeting?
Messaging can tell you whether you enjoy communicating with somebody.
Meeting can tell you things that messaging cannot.
There is no universal number of days you should wait.
Consider meeting when:
- You enjoy the conversation.
- The person has communicated respectfully.
- Their information seems reasonably consistent.
- They respect your boundaries.
- You genuinely want to know more.
- You feel comfortable arranging a public meeting.
Keeping early conversations on the dating platform can also help protect your personal information while you’re deciding whether you want to meet.
Meet Safely the First Time
When meeting somebody from online dating:
- Choose a public place.
- Arrange your own transport.
- Tell somebody you trust where you’re going.
- Consider organising a check-in.
- Avoid sharing your home address too early.
- Keep the first meeting manageable.
A coffee or casual lunch can work well because you have time to talk without committing to an elaborate date.
If you become uncomfortable, you’re allowed to leave.
Step 4: Give Attraction Enough Room to Be Honest
Physical attraction matters.
But it doesn’t arrive in exactly the same way for everyone.
Sometimes attraction is immediate.
Sometimes somebody becomes more appealing as you discover their humour, warmth or personality.
Sometimes attraction simply doesn’t develop.
All three are normal.
Instead of asking:
“Are they exactly my physical type?”
try:
“Is there enough attraction or curiosity that I’d genuinely like to spend more time with this person?”
You don’t need fireworks on the first date.
But you also don’t need to force yourself to become attracted to somebody simply because they appear compatible in every other respect.
How to Evaluate a First Date
Instead of leaving your first meeting asking whether you’ve found your future partner, make the question smaller.
Ask:
“Would I enjoy seeing this person again?”
Think about:
- Did conversation become easier as the date progressed?
- Did I feel comfortable?
- Were they interested in what I had to say?
- Did they respect me?
- Did their in-person behaviour broadly match how they communicated online?
- Was there attraction or curiosity?
- Did anything make me uncomfortable?
- Do I want to know more?
A first date is information, not a final decision.
Step 5: Know When to Give a Match More Time
First impressions aren’t always perfect.
People can be nervous.
Messaging can flatten someone’s personality.
A slightly awkward first coffee doesn’t necessarily mean there is no potential.
If:
- You feel safe.
- Your boundaries are respected.
- There are no obvious incompatibilities.
- Conversation has some promise.
- There is enough attraction or curiosity.
- You genuinely want to know more.
then another conversation or date may be worthwhile.
You don’t need to continue simply because somebody seems “good on paper”.
The important part is that you actually want to see them again.
Know When It’s Fine to Move On
You don’t owe every match unlimited opportunities.
It may be time to move on when:
- Conversation remains consistently one-sided.
- Your relationship intentions don’t align.
- Your boundaries aren’t respected.
- You’re doing almost all the work.
- The person repeatedly disappears and returns without explanation.
- Their behaviour is consistently confusing or contradictory.
- You discover dishonesty.
- They pressure you.
- You simply aren’t interested enough to continue.
Moving on isn’t a dating failure.
It’s part of finding out who is and isn’t right for you.
What About Your “Gut Feeling”?
Instinct can be useful, but try to identify what is creating the feeling.
Ask:
“What specifically is making me uncomfortable?”
Is it:
- Something they said?
- An inconsistency?
- A boundary violation?
- Pressure?
- A lack of attraction?
- A lifestyle difference?
Or simply nerves because dating feels unfamiliar?
Turning a vague feeling into a specific observation can make the situation easier to assess.
You don’t need to ignore discomfort simply because you can’t immediately explain it.
If you feel unsafe, you can end the interaction.
Dating After 50 May Change What You Look For
If you’re dating in your 50s, 60s or beyond, you may notice your priorities have changed.
You might care more about:
- Kindness.
- Reliability.
- Humour.
- Emotional maturity.
- Independence.
- Respect.
- Family relationships.
- Shared lifestyle preferences.
- Whether you simply enjoy being together.
You may also be more comfortable recognising that somebody doesn’t need to match every expectation you once had.
That doesn’t mean lowering your standards.
It means deciding which standards genuinely matter.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do I Choose Between Two Dating Matches I Like?
Try evaluating each connection individually rather than ranking the two people against each other.
Ask whether you enjoy each conversation, feel respected, share broadly compatible relationship intentions and genuinely want to know each person better.
If both connections still interest you and there are no exclusivity concerns, you may simply need more time.
What Makes Someone a Compatible Dating Match?
Early compatibility may involve shared or workable relationship intentions, important values, lifestyle preferences, respectful communication, mutual effort and attraction or curiosity.
You don’t need to be identical.
The question is whether you enjoy the connection enough to continue exploring it.
Are Shared Interests or Shared Values More Important?
They serve different purposes.
Shared interests give you easy conversation topics and activities to enjoy together.
Values can tell you more about how somebody approaches relationships, family, honesty, independence and other things that may matter to you.
Both can be useful, but sharing every hobby isn’t necessary.
How Important Is Physical Attraction?
Physical attraction can matter without needing to be immediate.
Some people experience an instant spark. For others, attraction grows through conversation and familiarity.
If you enjoy someone’s company and feel some curiosity, another date may help clarify how you feel.
How Long Should I Talk to Someone Before Meeting?
There is no fixed amount of time.
Consider meeting when you both feel comfortable, you enjoy the conversation, there are no significant safety concerns and you can arrange a public meeting.
What Should I Do if a Match Wants to Move Off RSVP Immediately?
You don’t need to agree.
You can keep early conversations on the dating platform until you’re comfortable sharing other contact details.
Persistent pressure to move elsewhere immediately, particularly alongside other suspicious behaviour, deserves caution.
Is Asking for Money Always a Dating Red Flag?
A request for money from somebody you’ve only recently met online should be treated with extreme caution.
Don’t send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency, and don’t participate in investment or money-transfer requests.
Take time to speak with somebody you trust before acting.
What’s the Biggest Mistake When Choosing a Match?
One common mistake is making a decision based on one impressive quality.
An attractive photograph, great career, shared hobby or intense first conversation can catch your attention, but look at the broader interaction.
Pay attention to respect, consistency, communication, boundaries and how you actually feel when getting to know the person.
The Right Match Isn’t a Formula
Dating can become exhausting when every profile turns into a calculation.
You don’t need to identify your future partner from a photograph and a bio.
Your job at the beginning is much smaller:
Decide whether you’re interested enough to take the next step.
Then keep learning.
- Do you enjoy the conversation?
- Do you feel respected?
- Do your relationship intentions broadly align?
- Does attraction develop?
- Are their words and actions consistent?
- Do they respect your boundaries?
- Do you feel comfortable being yourself?
Those questions become easier to answer as you move from profiles to messages and from messages to real-world dates.
Take your time, stay curious and don’t allow an impressive profile, intense attention or pressure to rush your judgement.
RSVP has been helping Australian singles connect since 1997, with tools designed to help members discover and communicate with other singles while getting to know potential matches.
Ready to see who you might connect with? Create your RSVP profile and start getting to know Australian singles at your own pace.
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